DREAMS OF A LOST MOONCHILD

Mothers day is always weird to me, I mean I never did really celebrate it, it was just not really done in my family. But I recall one year I paid for flowers and chocolate to be sent to my foster mother, and to my biological mother.

My biological mother never as much as acknowledged it, and so that never happened again, and let me tell you – it’s not cheap to have shit sent on mothers day with a driver.

This year just got real weird you know.

I realise I don’t have a great relation with my family, hells I don’t have a great relation with most people. But there’s just something about this that I find really strange.

So my cousin M’s husband had a big birthday yesterday, and I was invited like not so long ago, and it’s my clear opinion that i was invited on an afterthought. It’s fine, because I’d rather saw off my right arm with a spoon, than attend any family function with my cousin M and her dad, my uncle J.

Fuck that.

I have not forgiven them for the wedding shit at M’s wedding, well I haven’t forgiven ANY of the people who were involved for it, including my mum. And so no, that’s not happening.

Anyways, I know my mum went there – and she could have offered me to meet her at a trainstation and we could be picked up together, but she didnt’. I don’t know why, I mean on one hand I think it’s because she know I don’t want to go. And on the other hand, I think it’s because she don’t want me to go.

Oh well, my cousin M sent me a facebook message asking me to make a video for her husband if I didnt come. I made a video, but I can see she didn’t check her messages at all, and she never saw the video.

I heard nothing from either of them, so I sent the video to her husband today, and said I could tell M didn’t check her messages, so here’s the video i made for him.

Now I know my mum was going home last night, she had a ticket for a specific time on the train. I texted her this morning asking if everything was okay, because I had expected to hear from her yesterday when she was taking the train home tbh. And she didn’t answer my text.

Around ten I figured she was up and so I called her, and I got a premade answer back. you know ‘cant talk, call you back’ – text message. And she didn’t.

In the end I texted her, that it was nothing important, just wanted to say happy mothers day, and I hoped they were all well.

Nothing.

She has yet to answer me.

And I am not calling her, I mean fuck that shit… I’m not even sure I’ma pick up if she calls. Who the fuck does she think she is? Look she might be my biological mother, but I was brought up by the end boss of all bitches, and this isn’t going to fly. And you know what? The major thing here is, I don’t love her. Perhaps my siblings do, I don’t know – As I said in other entries here, we’re not close at all. But she isn’t punishing me like she think she is.

Because I don’t care enough for it to matter.