So here we are, as I said in this post.
I took down two stories from all around the net, because even if I was super excited to share my brain-baby with the world, let’s just say the reception was underwhelming to say the least. And I decided that now is just not the time, and Wattpad is not the place.
I removed both This we See, and Nocturnes over the list of stories here on my blog too, and I also removed the ‘upcoming’ site from my authors blog. There is no need to flash my failures to the world, and I really should know better.
But that is not what this post is about.
Now, speaking of stories that I think is well crafted, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s not, or well. If it is, I am the only one who thinks so.
I spent so long writing this, and while it doesn’t have a real ending per se, it does have some sort of ending. And I did state in my authors note there, that I do have more of the story written, so if anyone is curious to how it ends. Well, I could upload the rest as a part two to this story, releasing it slowly, since it’s like about the same size as this part.
You know what?
I tried, okay?
Gold star to me.
And this is exactly what I mean when I say that I need to write for myself first and foremost, and the reader second. I mean, because this is what I am protecting myself from. This is also why I hate uploading anything outside my little stupid bubble here… and perhaps that is why I hate uploading anything, period. I mean I am just about the worst serial deleter I know.
Because you know what?
I just don’t want to know, okay? I don’t want to deal with the bitterness of something I consider left hand work, getting hundreds of likes and comments, and my shit which I slaved over and probably had a existential crisis or two while writing.
Get’s zero, or in this case, 6 likes – all likes from people who are from the mebb, and they are most likely pity likes. And dude, I throw pity likes all the time. I don’t want to leave a friend without a like, even if I never read the story, or perhaps if I did, I didn’t like it. I would still leave a like as the bare minimum. And that is exactly what I think others did here.
I don’t know that, of course. Call it an educated guess.
So at least I know this, I came out of retirement as a fanfic author to write this, and well… I’m glad I did, cause it’s a great story (at least I think so), but perhaps I should have listened to Lisa when she said it was too heavy, and not really suited for a fan event. But I knew better, didn’t I?
Yeah… great. And how did that work out for you?
It didn’t, really it’s that simple.
It’s not like I am going to remove it, it’s there for all it’s worth. But I will not be writing another, I am most likely going to close the book on fanfiction for good. Because this did teach me something, I mean it’s not all for nothing. It taught me that I am a hopeless dinosaur, the fandoms I know are old and irrelevant, and what I find interesting is not what people want to read.
They want to read smut, they don’t want to learn about gravity cores, and harnessed singularities.
But that is what I have. It reminds me of that saying ‘no one finds a happy stand-up comedian funny’. Perhaps this is a question of ‘no one wants to read romance by a bitter author’.
And I think that is it, man. I cannot write romance, because I don’t believe in love. Just as I don’t believe in the easter bunny and Santa. It’s a nice story we tell ourselves and each other, all to make us feel better about something. And in this case it’s the fantasy of ‘togetherness’. You are naive if you don’t think it is a question of circumstances, and suddenly all those promises, they are nothing but words. Believe me.
Promises are words, they might be meant in the moment, but they are just words.
Pretty words, words meant to persuade and manipulate. But in reality there is no such thing as ‘us’, there are you and I, we are individuals with different goals and dreams, and if you pretend our goal is the same, you are dead wrong. Our goals and dreams might align for a while, until they do not.
And that is just not what people want to read in a fanfic, seriously they want something feel good, forever happy shit. And I simply can’t give them that.
So, while I won’t be removing Silentia Aeterna, I also won’t be uploading more of it, it will just have to remain like this for all to politely ignore.
It will stay in my drawer, together with so many other stories. And this song where the text on the banner comes from, makes me think of this super dark old sims story I once did, and I have been meaning to redo it since forever. Perhaps I should.
Speaking of nuking shit, I deleted my patreon, and my pinterest. It was pointless and stupid.
And I removed the tiktok link, I mean I still have it, but as I think I stated in some other post here, I only use it to follow unfiction stuff and horror shorts. I don’t create content, neither do I actually follow anyone, or comment.
DREAMS OF A LOST MOONCHILD 
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