DREAMS OF A LOST MOONCHILD

So when i sat down to make the post to dump my unused graphics from stories and this blog – something just stood out to me very clearly, and mostly when I went through my image folder here on WordPress and deleted stuff.

I have so many projects, that I once really wanted to make – that died either screaming or whimpering. And that made me both sad and mad. Because of the reason. Well I just wrote ‘various reasons’ but it really isn’t.

It is because it’s projects either made with AI graphics as a part of the different graphical tools I use, and/or it’s made for or with TTS.

I promised myself I’d let this topic go, but right now I just can’t because it makes me so fucking angry. Yeah I know, call the waaaahmbulance, starving artists and all that shit.

Dude, I am so fucking sick and tired of hearing about how I am the problem because I use this tool, you see it’s not enough that I make AI graphics, no I am problematic because I even ever considered typing something into a prompt. Which is absolutely fucking ridiculous. Look around you? how long will you carry that stupid grudge? huh?

90% of all tools here on WordPress, or Canva, hells even tiktok and facebook. Is AI driven, be it word or image based.

AI tools is the future, use them!

And I don’t care what anyone says, the most extreme anti AI people would probably just laugh gleefully. But those people were the reason I had to end so many projects and still to this day feels completely boxed in, amputated and mostly like I am living a double life online.

This means that normal people who are not for or against per se, they are so afraid of being associated with anyone who ever used an AI driven app, that they are either completely unwilling to touch the subject, or sees ghost to support their friend or something.

I do have a really stupid example.

So the MEBB, I made the fucking rule of no AI written stories, and no AI art. This is a challenge, not casual blog graphics. It doesn’t belong there.

I made this banner below to showcase how a banner could look, and also to show the new size of banner from this year and forth.

And I had some people griefing me over the use of AI art.. it isn’t AI art, it’s photomanipulation. And the first thing I did, cause they rattled me so bad back then. Was to sit down and make a explanation in the guise of a tutorial. Half way through I stopped and went… wtf, I don’t have to explain myself. I know it’s not AI art, why the hell would I even give them the time of day to prove it?

So I didn’t.

I explained the background was created with vector layers, some stock images of rain and stars, and my own vector layers for color changes and effects. and Veetor, he is taken from a image off a Nexus mod, and is a ingame screengrab of that mod in use.

I uploaded the background and said people could use it if they wanted to, which was pretty passive aggressive of me, i know. But goddammit man!

This being the background in question. But I found out it wasn’t over, apparently because I had used a filter on Veetor, which is AI, yes… ALL filters are no matter what photo edit program you use… dude did you ever use snapchat?`you seriously think that isn’t AI?

This is the original image I took from Nexus mods (the mod is that Veetor have a vague outline of a face behind his helmet)

And here he is, background removed and a comics filter… I was honestly shook for days. Is that where we are now? that any form of graphic manipulation is AI, or if not, just as bad? If I can’t use fucking filters, they can’t use autocorrect on their phones.

Fuck!

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And it all reminded me of back when I made the video for the first ten minutes of ‘the case of mothers sorrows creek’ – I was SO fucking proud, seriously.

The video is here, though it’s unlisted now. I simply had to pull it from everywhere because all the pride I felt in finding a way to create this project from scratch, I mean I wrote the story, I did the graphics, I planned the video and painstakingly spent hours and hours editing the graphics, and timing the video so the images, voices and music aligned, and I made the music as well.

I was so fucking accomplished, it was my fucking magnum opus.

And some of my friends said it was amazing and how cool it was… and then, then something happened.

It’s not like I got a bunch of hate, but I got completely ignored. And I think it’s because ‘normal’ people, right? so if they don’t look at it, they don’t offend anyone, and if they politely ignore me – well they didn’t offend me either.

Except there is nothing worse than being ignored. There really isn’t.

And that – that makes me more mad than sad.

I did not understand why the fact that I used AI art for the backgrounds and characters, just makes everything else null and void. And then I realised that it wasn’t just the fact that it was AI graphics, but it was also TTS.

And that is why so many of my projects died, I mean it’s not that I don’t like them, and perhaps they will become something else one day. But every time I look at something like Atlantis Plague, or Mothers Sorrows Creek, I am reminded of how excited I was, how proud I was of utilizing a different form of story telling. And now much I despaired because of it as well.

I am bursting with ideas, and the amount of graphics for stories I have placed around in weird secretive places where only I see it – is maddening. I have entire novels on Canva like Nocturnes, and This we See this we Know. that probably never will be seen by anyone but me.

This is because they were created in a time when I slowly regained a little excitement about writing, but found that it made me happy to make story graphics, it made the story come to life. And while making the graphics I got ideas for the story based on even the weird images I didn’t use.

It’s not like I can’t take the graphics out, but I really don’t want to. I think they are a part of how that story is made. And that is my dilemma, which in all it’s simplicity is what makes me mad. I wish I could show people all the stories I have, All the cool graphics, all the music, all the extra stuff.

But I can’t.

And I refuse to use a fucking Canvas standard frontpage design. And for now it looks like this could be one of the reasons why I get no interaction what so ever on wattpad. This presents a huge dilemma to me, because I personally think it’s fucking lame, I mean – how is a frontpage like this, worse than this,

Gothgolug is a story I wrote once, you can find it elsewhere on this site (i think, perhaps i purged that too, I don’t remember). And the other, well that is just me being lame, and flipping canva assets.

HOW?!

How is that more acceptable, than the other one that I created, I realise both his face, and the background are AI, they are two different AI images, and I stitched it, and used a fuckton of digital manipulation knowhow.

So.. there it is.

I have to make a choice if I want to use AI covers, and get politely ignored. Or asset flip, and perhaps also be ignored but that would be for other reasons all together.

I hate this shit, and I hate them for handicapping my creativity, for having to hide everything on my harddrive, 5 different blogs, 2 private discord servers and – well you get the idea. I wish I could show it, I wish I could be allowed to be proud. But I can’t.

And even if I took down everything not writing related from this blog, I guess this is the singular place where I can allow myself this luxury.

I do understand that some artist feels inferior to AI art, they shouldn’t, but I understand it. But that doesn’t give them the right to do to me, what they accuse me of doing to them. What kind of fucked up logic is that.

I don’t know if they even understand what they did to people like me. I’m still salty, sure. But it was honestly a semi traumatic experience, realising that people you thought you knew, suddenly hates you. And they don’t just illogically hate you, it’s with such vitriol that you can’t even explain anything. It’s so fucking childish, and simply do not know how to deal with it.

I’m bummed out that I have to keep everything very separated, and that I feel like I have a dirty secret that I have to make excuses for to people. It’s really weird feeling like I am doing something wrong and dirty. Because that is the opinion you’re met with on many platforms. It’s a shame, cause they already lost the argument before they began, they can’t stem the tide of progres, what? you telling me they’d be happy with riding a buggy, instead of a car? because those motorized monstrosities are progress, ugly dangerous progress.

That is seriously how it sounds to me, when they argue that I’m stealing their shit. But as I said in the beginning of the entry, it’s not the ai graphics on their own, it’s that using it at all is training the algorithm, which they are angry about. So you simply can’t even instigate a debate, I mean that is the same to say that because you are born able bodied, you hate people who are disabled per definition.

So yeah, it makes me sad, and it makes me mad.

I’d like to find the drive to finish Mother Sorrows Creek, and Atlantis Plague. But I don’t think I ever will. And I blame them, I do.

That’s it.