DREAMS OF A LOST MOONCHILD

I can’t decide if I have just given up on the fucking short stories, and perhaps I’m just going to slam them up on Wattpad, because seriously – there’s two things in it, I mean I was slow I know that, like 6 years slow.

But now my friend is just so busy that I feel like an asshole, but I suppose I can always pull them from Wattpad, right? I mean not a single fucking soul is going to see them anyways so I think I’m gonna look at uploading one of them on a test basis on there – because who knows, right? and besides I’m sorta done with everyone asking me where my shit is at, it would just be easier however lame.

But you see I WANT to hide, and I’m fine with them being for free, I really just want to send them off in the world so I feel like at least something I make has a purpose, because as it is now, I have tons of ai art stuff and stories that is just dying on my damn discord server – I make it, and put a fuckton of effort into the process and editing (because as you might know I edit the fuck out of those images) – and no one but me ever sees it.

So I’ve been sorta bummed out lately in that way.

And then I decided to do a mass effect big bang story this year. I did worry that it wouldn’t fly, but I think it does, and now it’s in the hands of the artist – i’m always nervous about having to deal with another G, having a shit time at the fan event because someone hates my story and basically wants me to redo it. It’s funny how I remember the assholes, and not all of my wins (okay so ALL might be a bit much, but I did have wins here and there).

The story however won’t end, and so I had to cut it off weirdly for the mebb, and right now I’m just writing the story because it’s fun, I suppose I can make a sequel, or maybe it’s gonna die next to it’s unborn siblings on my discord server. It’s so ingrained in the dead space universe, I can’t do as I did with cacophonies.

I really don’t know man, it’s like a deformed fetus, neither fish or foul. Cause it’s way too AU to be a fanfic, and way too reliant on a universe not mine to be original. Also it’s dealing with some pretty gruesome themes, but hey when am I not digging into something like that?

Oh well what happens, happens. Perhaps the rest of the story becomes something, perhaps it wont. It’s funny tho, now that we talk about me always recalling stuff done and said that made me feel like shit, and I admit I am pretty sensitive when it comes to writing. But you want to know why I stopped asking people to beta read for me? because some rando person I actually honestly don’t recall the name of anymore. She said that my story was talking, floating heads. But people interest me, even when I read – I don’t care about flowers and how their living room looks, I want to know what they feel – i want to discover the plot through them.

I need to record the last episode of the alien crossover, but I must admit that no one had any interest in it, and it’s a huge undertaking – so I am sort of playing with just taking the two down, makes no sense to have them up, when I can’t remotely motivate myself to do the last for nothing.

I mean perhaps my shit should just be allowed to die on my google drive, that would save me from a whole lot of bullshit and heartache. It would also be boring and super unfulfilling – and what would I whine and bitch about on this blog then?

Oh well… what ever I decide both with the novellas and with the fanfic, I’ll let you know… or something. I’ll at least write it here for science and prosperity.