DREAMS OF A LOST MOONCHILD

Been thinking of what I said in my earlier blog entry, and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like the right thing to do.

What this means is that unlike my previous purge, this is not a question of purging accounts, but about not engaging.

I will delete my Patreon, I thought it was smart to have somewhere where I could upload things without adds, and in good quality. But truth is that no one fucking cares, and I can’t find a singular reason for it to exist.

This entry is not really about that, it’s about twitter, discord and reddit. I will keep these accounts, but I will not be interacting with any communities or people unless it’s necessary.

I know how this sounds, but I am seriously not bitter, I am done. And you know what, when even those who calls you friend, don’t care shit about what you update or create – perhaps it’s time to listen? I don’t even know who the fuck I am speaking to anymore, myself I suppose?

Alright then.

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Dear self.

They don’t think you are funny, talented, or interesting. I know you have a hard time understanding this, and you don’t know where things went wrong – but you know how it feels.

Bitch, when have anyone actually liked you? that’s right; you don’t know, because they don’t, and never did.

What used to be your go-to space when your life was crazy, is nothing more than a carcass. There are none left who would even notice if you just left – that is quite sobering, innit?

You just want them all to stop being polite, right? And if you thought anyone would listen, you’d tell them there is no worse feeling in the world than being ignored.

They are not listening, they forgot all about you – even if you refused to see it.

Take a deep breath and do what you do best.

Let it die.

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And as I said yesterday I’m okay with it, but I need to stop torturing myself – and this is all brought on by how fucking depressed it makes me to see my 0 engagement on every damn account that is not my facebook.

I need to own that 0 percent engagement.

So what I will do is to remind me why I do what I do, and if I can’t do it for myself, I shouldn’t do it. It’s pointless to share anything, because there is none to share it with – It is a very special feeling to spend two days creating something you feel is absolutely fucking awesome – and no one gives a shit.

I need to own that feeling.

I am fucking done.

I will be writing shit in this blog as always, but I won’t be x-posting to anywhere except my archive folder that I have on Pinterest. But apart from that, I just have to treat the internet like my job – talk to those I have to talk to, about what is needed to have a dialogue about. no more, no less.

I refuse to give more – that simple.